The Condition

Well, this week marks my second week at Fort Lewis. I'd love to say that I have some earth-shattering news or that something giant is going on, however, the the things happening in my life at the present time are mostly happening in my heart. I have recently diagnosed myself with Conditional Servant's Heart Disease. I refer to it as a disease because if it is not properly cured, it will take over my life and eventually kill me. I suppose the title is somewhat self-explanatory, but I will attempt to share in detail.
Several years ago I read most of the book entitled the Five Love Languages. I determined that I am probably high up there on the Acts of Service. I enjoy doing things for people, especially if I can do it and they never have to know how it got done. When people have made time for me in the past, it has always been a tremendous testimony to me and i have always wanted to be able to serve people in the same way. Having said that, i have recently come to the epiphany that I do this conditionally. "Conditionally" meaning when I am at a place in my life where I am happy and excited to be there and it is under my circumstances. Jesus says that "Whatever you have done for the least of these, you have done unto me." In essence, every act of service that you or I conduct, is being done unto the Lord. I mean, I realize that that sounds like the most Christianese/cliche' statement, but the implication of that information hit me this week in such a real way. Just as grace is given out freely and love is unconditional, so also must be my service. I want to serve people with the kind of love that Jesus has, I want to sacrifice my time with a joyful heart, I want to bequeath grace with ease.

"Let Us Acknowledge the Lord;.... As Surely As the Sun Rises, He WILL Appear."
Hosea 6:3

Unpacking... repacking... life...

Well, it seems like just when I think I have my life planned out, I get a curve ball. First in coming to Georgia, and now having to leave Georgia. I may or may not have spent the entire first month in Georgia loathing it's very existence. I was just reminiscing a few days ago how I spent my entire Independence Day in my room feeling sorry for myself while listening to the fireworks outside my window. Yet slowly, surely, almost without my knowledge, I have come to love this place I once despised. Yes, I occasionally still get annoyance in my heart when I walk outside and I am instantly dripping with sweat. I still can't figure out how one day my car can be immaculate and the next day the skies have snowed pollen down on it. Or how it can be completely sunny one minute, pour down rain for five minutes, and then back to sunny skies without missing a beat? These things are mysterious to me and although I'm sure I'll never know the "why" or "how," hopefully I'll get another opportunity to bask in their mystery.

For a small town girl who knew only rain, the heart of the South has taught me a thing or two. My dad has always told me, "Jess, Slow down! Annunciate your words!" Well, it turns out, people talk even slower over here... or I have started talking faster. Sometimes I think I can get ten of my thoughts out to their one. (Okay, that may be a slight exaggeration.) I have learned an entire vocabulary of ebonics. I have learned that sometimes slower is better. Most of all, I have learned that it really doesn't matter where God places you, because even when I think I have my life planned out just they way it should be, His plan is always better than mine. Even now, in the midst of a roller-coaster of emotions, I have to believe that His plan is best.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
July of last year I would have told anyone who asked that I had no desire to be here, this was the LAST place I wanted to be. I had absolutely no knowledge or faith that the desire of my heart could actually become the place that God took me. Don't get me wrong, it didn't happen over night. In fact, it took me months to finally realize that I needed to "unpack" my life - emotionally, spiritually, relationally. Although it makes moving ten times harder on my heart, I wouldn't change it for the world. I have been blessed with some of the most amazing friends here and regardless as to whether or not we get to share life again, I will always cherish the memories and their influence lives on in my life.
"Eyes have not seen, ears have not heard, the mind cannot conceive what God has planned for those who love him." 1 Corinthians 2:9

I'm a nurse!

Yes, despite feeling like an absolute failure after taking my NCLEX, I found out last week that I did in fact pass! I'm a nurse! Yay!!!

NCLEX... shoot me in the face...

Well, today was the magical day. Today I went and faced my doom. I took my little self, full of all kinds of nervous energy to One Tenth Street. There is where my fate lies. Perhaps all things should not be accounted for under the "fate" category, but after taking this test, I think there is no rhyme or reason to why people pass or fail. I think there is a little angry man with wirey glasses on sitting behind some computer laughing at the poor nursing students who think they actually can beat his test. He probably just clicks "pass" or "fail" depending on his mood. Ugh. Lame. Anyway, needless to say, I walked out wondering why I had gone to school for the last year and a half and why nobody taught me about 90% of the daggone drugs on that test!!! Never in my life have I had the experience where a computer made me feel like the epitome of dog doo doo. Just sayin'...
Well, welcome back to the world of blogging, Jess.

Study, study study...

I thought I should add a disclaimer to my blog to let you know where my time is currently being spent. You see, I have spent the past year working up to this moment in my life where I have finally qualified to take the NCLEX (nursing board test) for my LPN license. Thus, I am not about to fail it by not studying... Therefore, until I take my test I will probably not be on here... unless I am extremely inspired and I have something dire to tell cyber space.

It still amazes me that this whole Army training thing is so close to being over. After two years, I will finally be able to join the "real" army. Ahh, no more TRADOC!!! (If you're not military, you probably won't understand what that term means, but to all my Army folks, you understand.)

After I am done with school I will be staying here in Georgia (as of right now... orders are always subject to change) to finish out the remaining two years on my contract. Crazy! It's been a love-hate relationship, but I'm learning to appreciate it. One day at a time, one test at a time, I'm finally at my last one!

Marathon anyone?

I promise I'm not here to try and bore you to death with analogies or make a Jesus Parallel out of every situation, which is why I put off writing this post for a good four months. All that to say, I'm going to do it anyway...

Wednesday morning at the crack of dawn (wait, "dawn" means there's light out... okay, before dawn...), I was running in formation and I started reminiscing on my marathon. For those of you who don't know, my father and I ran a marathon in December. It was his fifth and my first. Running the marathon was one of the things on my "bucket list," so I guess I'm a step closer to death. If you have never ran a race before, they are amazing. It really doesn't matter where your ability level is when there are 2,000+ people. There will inevitably be someone faster than you and someone slower than you. The feeling is so amazing when you are standing there in the bitter cold morning watching the world wake up, anticipating the shot to be fired, and waiting for the "Go!" to be announced. Familiar jitters capture my body and the excitement drives my determination. The realization that I'm not in this alone, makes it so much more appealing. It may be a "race" but it certainly is one filled with encouragement and the unspoken knowledge that we are all hoping to see the person beside us finishing strong in a few hours.
I'm sure you can guess how i draw my "spiritual parallel" from this event. I write this as much for myself as I do for those of you who take a minute to read it. My dad told me that every mile that I got to that I had not ran yet, I needed to do a dance. (Before the marathon of 26.2 miles, the furthest that I had ran was 18 miles.) It sounds silly and juvenile, yet it gave me something to look forward to and a strange motivation to get to the next mile. I can't even explain to you how much I respect my father. Don't get me wrong, I respected him before the marathon, but running with him opened up a whole new avenue of respect. He earned my respect in an "athlete" kind of way. I wanted to run fast in the beginning and he kept warning me that I needed to hold a steady pace and it would give me a good foundation for the rest of the race. He was so right. Especially at mile 22. Dang, I was finished but he just kept on keeping on at his steady pace.

What if I lived out my walk for Christ with the same principles that I ran the marathon? What if every time I got to a new place with Him, I stopped to reflect and do a little dance? Sometimes I wonder if I really grasp the idea that Jesus Christ is running the race next to me, If I really understand that he is keeping my steady pace for me so that I won't burn out before the finish line. My Heavenly Father is singing my cadence and keeping me in step. I so badly want that "good and faithful servant" at the end of my Marathon, so for now, I will keep on keeping on. One day at a time, One mile at a time, One step at a time.

Colon Finale/Change your life

"I hate my job." "I'm too fat." "I need to go on a diet." "I wish I could change this, I wish I could change that." How many freaking times a day do we hear people saying crap like this? ALL stinkin' day. There IS a beautiful thing to being a human being, we can change at any time we want. Yes, at ANY time. How about if you look in the mirror for twenty minutes every morning and try on fifteen different outfits just to see which one can hide your Whopper from last night best, maybe you should re-think eating it. Don't get me wrong, if you like some pudge, more power to you, I'm simply speaking to those that whine about it all day. I have a suggestion, take your pie-hole, stuff some fresh vegetables in it and spend that $10 bucks a day that you spend on fast food on a gym membership. Come on people, is it really that hard??? If you hate your job and you find yourself complaining about your boss all day, chances are, he doesn't really like you either, so go find yourself a new job where you can actually take pride in what you do. Angry because you didn't get a pay raise this year? Well, your boss is still angry because he has to pay 50% more in taxes (thanks Mr. President.) and still pay your whining A star star. Nobody cares about your complaints except for the guy next to you at work who wants to complain too. Get off your lazy gluteus maximus, own up to your own choices, and change your way of life.


Colon Cleanser:
I know you all are dying to know how my colon is doing. It's doing just great! The final outcome of my ten day excursion was quite lovely. I feel amazing, lost 15.8lbs, and am a healthier me! The first few days sucked, but after the hunger pangs go away it's easier to say no to things. I started to crave the concoction instead of dread it. My stomach has definitely shrank. I ate two strawberries and half a banana and I thought I was going to explode. Getting back into eating is definitely something that needs to be done slowly. Overall, I highly recommend this if you're looking to clean out your insides. It was well worth the sacrifice.