Bitter-Sweet

Well, it's officially been 5 months since my last blog. It's not that I have forgotten about my blog, I just feel like there haven't been events significant enough to warrant a blog. I guess that's the beauty of a blog though, there doesn't have to be an occasion. Tonight I'm feeling word-savvy and I have several thoughts on my mind, so here i sit. There are two main themes that keep going through my head. I guess I"m not entirely sure yet how they come together, but perhaps they will.

I know most people express the feeling of being "blessed" over the month of December. We all have the happy-go-lucky joyous feeling going on. I mean honestly, who wouldn't? You walk into any store and you're greeted with smiling sales reps and Clay Aiken singing The First Noel. Don't get me wrong, do I feel blessed? Absolutely. But I'm just as blessed in January as I am in December. I am blessed that I have a family who loves me. Blessed that i can go to work every morning and be excited about my job. Blessed that I have wonderful friendships. Blessed that I have simple things like food and running water. I guess the thing that I have been feeling the most blessed for this year is health. I know that may seem silly to some, but in my profession, I go home every day counting health as a blessing.

This month seemed to be the month of cancer. For anyone who has been through Chemotherapy, I applaud you. Allow me to be frank, Chemo is a bitch. To think that a person goes through all of that time and time again, and then the end result becomes death? Righteous anger. I think my childhood illusion to cancer was that it only happens to old people. Illusion is the correct term. It happens to you at 10, 16, 27, 31. Even the strongest of fighters can be defeated by this disease and it sickens me. Today I sat and held the hand of a man gasping for air. Cancer that had metastasized to his lungs was now robbing him of the oxygen keeping him alive. No amount of reassuring him of the love of Jesus erased the terrified look in his eyes. He was suffocating to death and there was nothing that any of us could do.

As we move into a new year, we tend to set goals we never meet and complain about the extra five pounds we gained over the month of December. My goal this year? Stop complaining about the five pounds. Remember the memories surrounding the five pounds. The laughter, the intimacy, the moments that will live on. Remember those times because all too quickly they can become the last ones.

This picture was taken in November and I love how silly and candid it is. We were pretending to be gangster... well, Josh and I were. :)