Strengths...

A dear friend of mine made a comment this last week about living in your strengths. It was a brief conversation but I keep having that recurring thought, "Am I living in my strengths?" So by now, I've lived 21 years of life, and I'm working towards my 22nd year. I've accepted that in comparison to most, I do not know much about life, but I think there are a few things that I would say I'm passionate about.
I'm passionate about people. Though I occasionally loathe big groups, I thrive in conversations and connecting with new people.I'm passionate about being a nurse. I know, I know, I haven't been at it very long... but here's the deal, i LOVE going to work. I may complain about the long hours from time to time, but truth be known, I come alive at work.
I'm passionate about Children and Youth. Children are a beautiful picture of the kind of faith that we as adults frequently have lost. They may be small, but I believe with all my heart that they can make a difference. Youth ignites me because that's where I first started loving Jesus. I want to encourage young girls that THERE IS beauty in purity and blessing in waiting. I want them to know that no matter what kind of earthly father they have, they have an Eternal Father who loves them with an unending, non-discriminatory, unconditional love.
I'm passionate about missions. Missions was as much for me as it was for the people we touched. Perhaps that seems self-centered to you, but I believe I would not be here today if it were not for missions. God gave me a glimpse of His heart for people and it was the first time that the reality of God's love for each person, individually, across the globe, became a reality. Not a collective, "God loves all people." No, "God love EACH person." He loves them where they are at, geographically, socioeconomically, relationally. He loves them regardless as to what ethnicity, sex, sins, or any other barrier that may seem too great.
Lastly, I'm passionate about serving. I'm not entirely sure at what point this became evident, but I love the idea of serving people and being able to bear their burdens for and with them. Jesus says, "Whatever you have done unto the least of these, you have done unto me." Thus, when we are serving each other, we are serving the King. Love that concept.
Where does this leave me? No idea. I'm excited to see where God takes me and what's next after my last 24 months and thirteen days with Uncle Sam.

The Condition

Well, this week marks my second week at Fort Lewis. I'd love to say that I have some earth-shattering news or that something giant is going on, however, the the things happening in my life at the present time are mostly happening in my heart. I have recently diagnosed myself with Conditional Servant's Heart Disease. I refer to it as a disease because if it is not properly cured, it will take over my life and eventually kill me. I suppose the title is somewhat self-explanatory, but I will attempt to share in detail.
Several years ago I read most of the book entitled the Five Love Languages. I determined that I am probably high up there on the Acts of Service. I enjoy doing things for people, especially if I can do it and they never have to know how it got done. When people have made time for me in the past, it has always been a tremendous testimony to me and i have always wanted to be able to serve people in the same way. Having said that, i have recently come to the epiphany that I do this conditionally. "Conditionally" meaning when I am at a place in my life where I am happy and excited to be there and it is under my circumstances. Jesus says that "Whatever you have done for the least of these, you have done unto me." In essence, every act of service that you or I conduct, is being done unto the Lord. I mean, I realize that that sounds like the most Christianese/cliche' statement, but the implication of that information hit me this week in such a real way. Just as grace is given out freely and love is unconditional, so also must be my service. I want to serve people with the kind of love that Jesus has, I want to sacrifice my time with a joyful heart, I want to bequeath grace with ease.

"Let Us Acknowledge the Lord;.... As Surely As the Sun Rises, He WILL Appear."
Hosea 6:3

Unpacking... repacking... life...

Well, it seems like just when I think I have my life planned out, I get a curve ball. First in coming to Georgia, and now having to leave Georgia. I may or may not have spent the entire first month in Georgia loathing it's very existence. I was just reminiscing a few days ago how I spent my entire Independence Day in my room feeling sorry for myself while listening to the fireworks outside my window. Yet slowly, surely, almost without my knowledge, I have come to love this place I once despised. Yes, I occasionally still get annoyance in my heart when I walk outside and I am instantly dripping with sweat. I still can't figure out how one day my car can be immaculate and the next day the skies have snowed pollen down on it. Or how it can be completely sunny one minute, pour down rain for five minutes, and then back to sunny skies without missing a beat? These things are mysterious to me and although I'm sure I'll never know the "why" or "how," hopefully I'll get another opportunity to bask in their mystery.

For a small town girl who knew only rain, the heart of the South has taught me a thing or two. My dad has always told me, "Jess, Slow down! Annunciate your words!" Well, it turns out, people talk even slower over here... or I have started talking faster. Sometimes I think I can get ten of my thoughts out to their one. (Okay, that may be a slight exaggeration.) I have learned an entire vocabulary of ebonics. I have learned that sometimes slower is better. Most of all, I have learned that it really doesn't matter where God places you, because even when I think I have my life planned out just they way it should be, His plan is always better than mine. Even now, in the midst of a roller-coaster of emotions, I have to believe that His plan is best.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
July of last year I would have told anyone who asked that I had no desire to be here, this was the LAST place I wanted to be. I had absolutely no knowledge or faith that the desire of my heart could actually become the place that God took me. Don't get me wrong, it didn't happen over night. In fact, it took me months to finally realize that I needed to "unpack" my life - emotionally, spiritually, relationally. Although it makes moving ten times harder on my heart, I wouldn't change it for the world. I have been blessed with some of the most amazing friends here and regardless as to whether or not we get to share life again, I will always cherish the memories and their influence lives on in my life.
"Eyes have not seen, ears have not heard, the mind cannot conceive what God has planned for those who love him." 1 Corinthians 2:9

I'm a nurse!

Yes, despite feeling like an absolute failure after taking my NCLEX, I found out last week that I did in fact pass! I'm a nurse! Yay!!!

NCLEX... shoot me in the face...

Well, today was the magical day. Today I went and faced my doom. I took my little self, full of all kinds of nervous energy to One Tenth Street. There is where my fate lies. Perhaps all things should not be accounted for under the "fate" category, but after taking this test, I think there is no rhyme or reason to why people pass or fail. I think there is a little angry man with wirey glasses on sitting behind some computer laughing at the poor nursing students who think they actually can beat his test. He probably just clicks "pass" or "fail" depending on his mood. Ugh. Lame. Anyway, needless to say, I walked out wondering why I had gone to school for the last year and a half and why nobody taught me about 90% of the daggone drugs on that test!!! Never in my life have I had the experience where a computer made me feel like the epitome of dog doo doo. Just sayin'...
Well, welcome back to the world of blogging, Jess.

Study, study study...

I thought I should add a disclaimer to my blog to let you know where my time is currently being spent. You see, I have spent the past year working up to this moment in my life where I have finally qualified to take the NCLEX (nursing board test) for my LPN license. Thus, I am not about to fail it by not studying... Therefore, until I take my test I will probably not be on here... unless I am extremely inspired and I have something dire to tell cyber space.

It still amazes me that this whole Army training thing is so close to being over. After two years, I will finally be able to join the "real" army. Ahh, no more TRADOC!!! (If you're not military, you probably won't understand what that term means, but to all my Army folks, you understand.)

After I am done with school I will be staying here in Georgia (as of right now... orders are always subject to change) to finish out the remaining two years on my contract. Crazy! It's been a love-hate relationship, but I'm learning to appreciate it. One day at a time, one test at a time, I'm finally at my last one!

Marathon anyone?

I promise I'm not here to try and bore you to death with analogies or make a Jesus Parallel out of every situation, which is why I put off writing this post for a good four months. All that to say, I'm going to do it anyway...

Wednesday morning at the crack of dawn (wait, "dawn" means there's light out... okay, before dawn...), I was running in formation and I started reminiscing on my marathon. For those of you who don't know, my father and I ran a marathon in December. It was his fifth and my first. Running the marathon was one of the things on my "bucket list," so I guess I'm a step closer to death. If you have never ran a race before, they are amazing. It really doesn't matter where your ability level is when there are 2,000+ people. There will inevitably be someone faster than you and someone slower than you. The feeling is so amazing when you are standing there in the bitter cold morning watching the world wake up, anticipating the shot to be fired, and waiting for the "Go!" to be announced. Familiar jitters capture my body and the excitement drives my determination. The realization that I'm not in this alone, makes it so much more appealing. It may be a "race" but it certainly is one filled with encouragement and the unspoken knowledge that we are all hoping to see the person beside us finishing strong in a few hours.
I'm sure you can guess how i draw my "spiritual parallel" from this event. I write this as much for myself as I do for those of you who take a minute to read it. My dad told me that every mile that I got to that I had not ran yet, I needed to do a dance. (Before the marathon of 26.2 miles, the furthest that I had ran was 18 miles.) It sounds silly and juvenile, yet it gave me something to look forward to and a strange motivation to get to the next mile. I can't even explain to you how much I respect my father. Don't get me wrong, I respected him before the marathon, but running with him opened up a whole new avenue of respect. He earned my respect in an "athlete" kind of way. I wanted to run fast in the beginning and he kept warning me that I needed to hold a steady pace and it would give me a good foundation for the rest of the race. He was so right. Especially at mile 22. Dang, I was finished but he just kept on keeping on at his steady pace.

What if I lived out my walk for Christ with the same principles that I ran the marathon? What if every time I got to a new place with Him, I stopped to reflect and do a little dance? Sometimes I wonder if I really grasp the idea that Jesus Christ is running the race next to me, If I really understand that he is keeping my steady pace for me so that I won't burn out before the finish line. My Heavenly Father is singing my cadence and keeping me in step. I so badly want that "good and faithful servant" at the end of my Marathon, so for now, I will keep on keeping on. One day at a time, One mile at a time, One step at a time.