I thought about entitling this blog "Life's a Bitch" or "Life sucks sometimes" or "Some things just aren't fair." They all still seem fitting, but in an attempt to not be completely mellow-dramatic, I'll come up with something lighter. Yesterday I spent the day with a good friend of mine. It wasn't a 'going to the park' day or a walk in the forest, it was simply sitting there. Sitting and just being there. Nothing about yesterday seemed fair. Not the pain, not the hopelessness, not the sadness, the lack of sleep, the dozen invasive devices. I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say I don't question the reasonings of things sometimes. Maybe that's the beauty of our relationship with Jesus. He doesn't ask us to be perfect, but to be real. So as I drove home last night, I was real. I cried and asked him why. I think I must have asked it at least a few dozen times. Maybe I don't have to understand his reasoning or timing, maybe I just have to believe in the "bigger" perspective. The last two years seem to be a constant attempt to see the "bigger." Can we call life out for what it is sometimes? Shit. Sometimes life is just shitty and unfair. Death seems so final sometimes.
I opened up my computer this morning and I was greeted with the desktop photo of the sunset on the Oregon coast last weekend. The sun will still rise every morning. We will still get out of bed, put one foot in front of the other. Each morning we will get dressed and remind ourselves to keep breathing. And eventually, eventually we won't have to remind ourselves to breathe anymore. Mountain tops or valleys, He is faithful even when I can't always feel Him. "And the Pain of the World is a burden, And it's my cross to bear, I stumble under all the weight, I know you're Simon standing there, I KNOW you're standing there." (Caedmon's Call lyrics - Love Alone)
Maybe the beauty is in the reality. The Reality that this is temporary and Jesus is eternal. Pain, whether emotional, physical, spiritual, it's temporary. The Love of Jesus is real and everlasting. So today I am choosing to cling to the reality of the Eternal.
